Edible Memory Day 1: Comfort

I'm so happy to be participating in a Winter Joy Writing Retreat from now through December 14. It's an online "class" hosted by Jena Schwartz and Cigdem Kobu of The Inky Path, and this year's theme is edible memories. It's a lovely way to carve out a bit of space each day for two weeks, a tremendous gift to self during such a hectic time of year. 

Food writing is really how I happened upon and fell in love with the craft of writing, so this retreat marks the loveliest of returns to some of my roots.

At its best, food writing not only makes your mouth water but also transports you to a time, place, the taste sensations of certain foods. You might find yourself experiencing someone else's memory as seamlessly as if it were your own, or you might find your memory jogged, tripping you back to a time you savored the very dish or ingredient or flavor in question.

Today's prompt asked us to consider comfort foods and the places, people and memories associated with them. As is often the case, I sat down to write and was happily surprised by all that spilled out onto the page. I'm going to share it with you here and plan to do the same, during the next fortnight, for all the writes I feel moved by and inclined to publish.

I hope you enjoy.

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I grew up in south Louisiana, a flat land speckled with Cypress trees and their woody knees, an intricate system of swamps, bayous, lakes and the mighty Gulf, swarms of mosquitos, soaring Oaks, spindly Pines, thick carpets of St. Augustine grass, gators and the sing song hum of “Hi Y’all, How are you today, Baby? Your momma’s OK? Are you hungry?”

My grandfather, Papa, was a Sicilian emigrant whose parents had come through the Port of New Orleans before settling three hours west in Lake Charles. My grandmother’s people had been in Lake Charles since, well since they arrived. I don’t know more than that. They were Louisianians with a hearty French Cajun influence that you can hear in the very specific Cajun accent of the southwest region, of the French-not-French language, in the cuisine’s piquancy as it hits your tongue.

Nanny, my grandmother, cooked daily. For Papa’s restaurant -she made the cheesecakes; thousands over the course of that restaurant’s life- and for her own family. My mother, flanked by an older brother and younger twin sisters, left Lake Charles for college and didn't plan to return, but after raising my sister and me largely on her own for the years my father was in medical school and residency, she jumped when he was offered a full practice back in her hometown. Her own parents would be just a mile down the road and could help her with us.

We all came to see the enormous gift this inadvertent return to Lake Charles was. To grow up with loving grandparents nearby, and aunts, uncles and cousins both in town and just a couple hours’ drive away made for the village that so many of us don’t have today because the world has grown so scattershot and we all blow away on its winds.

Sundays drew us to Nanny and Papa’s house for family lunch. They went to church, we didn’t, but it didn’t matter because afterwards, we all came together to sit snug around the black and gold Formica table that was in that kitchen until Nanny died two years ago. Sixty some odd years she spent in that house, outliving Papa by twenty and her sisters by much longer.

Sunday was spaghetti and roast day, a tribute to Papa’s Italian heritage but flecked with Nanny’s culinary traditions too. Allspice and a bit of sugar tinged her tomato sauce which enveloped the roast until it fell apart when a fork came near. Big French baguettes were sliced and laid into napkin-lined baskets. A crisp green salad was made in the old, brown plastic bowl that was chipped by so many clangs of the tongs as they tossed and served. I watched the vortex made by Nanny’s iced tea spoons as they stirred and dissolved Lipton iced tea mix into tall glasses filled with water and, once the whirls stopped, fat ice cubes. The hinged silver sugar bowl sat waiting for those who didn’t want the “pink” stuff (Sweet’N Low), and the white plastic rotary cheese grater stood capably alongside a big wedge of Parmesan. A pie or icebox cake surely waited on the sidelines for later.

Though so many dishes from my childhood evoke nostalgia, comfort and profoundly distinct taste memories –gumbo, tea cakes, green rice, jambalaya- my mind always goes quickly to Nanny’s Sunday lunch when I think of comfort. I suspect that’s because of how much Nanny and I loved each other, how perfectly fine I always felt in her presence.

I remember the china bowls we’d eat our pasta from, and the matching salad plates too. I remember those iced tea spoons and glasses, her garlic press sitting near the sink, the trays of ice waiting in the freezer, the couches and blankets that waited in the next room to let us rest off the food comas we'd surely have.

I remember loving to twirl spaghetti and roast onto my fork with the help of a big spoon that refused to let the slippery noodles escape the tines. I remember liking to slide a big, saucy twirl between two slices of baguette; the original carb heaven. Mom often chastised me for this but Nanny always said, “Sharon, just let her be.”

I remember Papa’s big belly and balding pate, how he’d tuck his napkin into the front of his shirt and boom, “More cheese!” I remember my Dad enjoying every bite and that on his birthday, Nanny always made him cherry cheesecake. I remember that when she stopped doing that, it broke my heart a little because it meant she really was getting old. I remember that I asked her to teach me then, so that I could make it, so that I’d know it when she was gone.

After we stuffed ourselves silly, we’d retire to that next room and all fall asleep, Nanny and Papa in their recliners, my sister and I under the best plaid fleece blanket in the world, Dad always on the floor. Mom was a floater. Sometimes she returned to her childhood bed, other times she joined Dad on the floor or us on the couch.

And finally we’d awake, return home and bid Sunday adieu. I imagine I was already looking forward to the next weekend, to being back in Nanny’s kitchen as the roast bubbled away on the stove and I could stir the tea once more. 

A Louisiana corner, Part 2

The water in south Louisiana is always the color of a good roux: somewhere between milk and dark chocolate. And depending on where you are, whether the tide is in or out, and if a recent rainstorm has stirred up settled detritus -natural and manmade- from the bottom, it can resemble roux's thick consistency.

You can never see more than an inch deep, and the older I get, the less I trust what lies underneath. For as long as I can remember, mullets have flung themselves from the bayou over and over as they travel. It seems utterly exhausting and inefficient, but perhaps they too are suspicious of the murky depths. I mean, since the gators moved in, and ducks, geese and hunting dogs have gone missing, I'm sure uneasy. My mom sends pictures of the Louisiana Jaws she spots- sunning on the grass just across the bayou, in our boat slip, and so on. You couldn't pay me to jump in that water now.

We used to jump though, from high pilings that guarded the bridge posts. Don't you love the cross RIGHT next to our jump site. Safe. For so many reason. This is me and fire-out-my-butt Trish.

We used to jump though, from high pilings that guarded the bridge posts. Don't you love the cross RIGHT next to our jump site. Safe. For so many reason. This is me and fire-out-my-butt Trish.

Early on, Mom taught my sister and me to crab. We'd tie chicken necks with kitchen string, affix these lures to wharf cleats and slowly let them sink into the opaque abyss. Patiently and quietly, net at the ready, we'd wait, looking for subtle tugs or outright jerks. When something seemed to bite, one of us would pull the line up as slowly as possible, for crabs are skittish and quick (and definitely what you hope is on the other end of the fleshy neck).

When a claw or those beady eyes came into view, the one with the net would deftly scoop our catch and hurriedly toss it into a bucket or ice chest. Anything other than crabs got tossed back in, released from death's grip until another day. 

Those poor crabs would skitter back and forth frantically, hard-shell legs clicking desperately against the prison. I felt so badly for them but I also knew just how delicious they'd taste later, freshly steamed. Gulf crabs are scrumptious. All Gulf seafood is, really, especially the shellfish. 

I could never throw the crabs in the pot of boiling water. Still can't. But I appreciated Mom's fortitude and loved the aftermath. She would cover our kitchen table with newspaper, and we'd sit down with nutcrackers and picks to pry open the key on the crabs' bellies and crack open their claws. Peeling crabs is an onerous task and I always found the gills and other innards fascinating in a disgusting way, but each bite of that delicate meat made all the work well worth it.

Each time I take Jack and Ol to Lake Charles, I am seized by a yen for a cupcake from Jo's Party House and so we make a quick pilgrimage across town. Jo's white cake simply cannot be beat, and despite the insane cupcake fever that's overtaken the country in recent years, Jo's cupcakes are still just $1 each. They know they have a perfect, beloved product but have stayed true and humble, and honestly, I think that makes their cakes taste that much better. 

Jo's has been in the same tiny building on the corner of Ethel and Sallier (pronounced Sal-yay) forever. There's an oak tree in the middle of the gravel parking lot, an AC unit is always humming from one window, and a large, three-tier, painted wooden cake serves as its sign.

Without fail, Jo's is busy. Freshly iced cakes decorated with John Deere tractors, Thomas trains and singing Elsas wait on shelves, ready to be picked up happily for parties later in the day. 

In four bites, I'm done. Perfectly sated. I am an avid baker, and I've made many cakes in my life, but despite my efforts, I can never figure out just what makes Jo's cakes so airy, delicate and flavorful. The consistency of both the cake itself and the quality over time are impeccable, and I am grateful for that. Nothing changes except for the color of the flower buds piped on top the main sugary cloud (and even that is rare; traditionally the buds are pale pink, baby blue and yellow).

On the way to the airport, we pass a yard in which, for as long as I can remember, have stood two decorative deer. As with much else in Louisiana, these deer are utterly dilapidated and we can never understand why their owners haven't replaced or removed them. Of the deer's original four ears, only one remains, an entire shin is missing, and their chipped paint makes them look as if they are mottled in a diseased way. 

But as with so much else, they are part of tradition of going and leaving home, and I love them for that.

A Louisiana corner, in July: Part 1

It is the kind of hot that you start to sense while still inside. The kind that pushes back on you the moment you consider facing it. Heavy, sludgy, steamy; the earth as a cast iron pot full of gumbo that's been simmering over a flame for hours. You remove the lid to taste for seasoning but not before being walloped by a fist of heat.

The windows drip with humidity, lizards hide away in potted plants, people stay indoors unless a good breeze is blowing. Then, a rocking chair on a covered porch with ceiling fans might be tolerable. 

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Everything slows down, conserving energy, seeking respite and biding time. 

"When do you run?" I ask a friend.
"Before 6 am or after dinner," she replies as she hands me a bag of sage and sweet red peppers from her garden. It looks like summertime Christmas. The sage leaves are each the size of a cow's ear; they like the sunny sauna just fine.

Southwest Louisiana in July is not for the faint of heart. As those who have attempted to style their hair know, the summertime elements are a forceful blend of sweat-, frizz- and near-panic-inducing inputs. Temperatures and humidity levels regularly hover near 100 (degrees and percent), mosquitos swarm, and swaths of pancake-flat land at or below sea-level provide little in the way of relief. It's an insanity trinity, really, except many of us never seem to succumb. Not enough to stop loving the place, at least. 

It is unlike anywhere else in the U.S.. Acres of thick, wiry St. Augustine carpet run alongside lazy bayous and glassy lakes. Cypress trees -their knees, trunks and stumps- resemble arboreal mountain ranges studding shore and shallow. They are supremely suited for a swampy life, and Louisianians are all the luckier for that. 

Luckier still for the love that Oaks have for Louisiana climes. They grow up and out over the decades, arms reaching into a wide embraces with plenty of room for all. They let us hang hammocks from their trunks and swings from their upper branches. Wooden planks are tacked up as ladders for kids, and birds find their boughs perfect for nests. Spanish moss, a gray hairnet you want to touch, hangs decorously from them too, mysterious curtains behind which anything might be found. 

I often think of my homeland as a verdant swiss cheese: lush green country hole-punched by an intricate system of muddy waterways. Everything is some state of disrepair, for what doesn't shift and age atop an ever-moving, scorching base?

Quite often, the move toward ruin adds immeasurable charm, and indeed, were it not for its dynamism, Louisiana wouldn't be nearly as special: flat and hot aren't much without a constant infusion of je ne sais quoi. And this has led to both a remarkable acceptance of eccentricity and a laissez faire attitude among many down there.

This morning, for example, before I finished packing, the boys wanted to take me for a ride in the golf cart a friend loaned us a few days back. They'd driven with Mom a few times and I was going to see all they'd learned. It wasn't yet 9am, Dad was wearing a hospital greens top tucked into ancient Levis and a sweat-stained cap and clutching a mug of coffee, and I was still in the pajama shorts and tee I'd slept in. I slipped my feet into Mom's fluorescent green Crocs, the five of us belted ourselves into the spunky Precedent and we took off through the neighborhood (this picture is from a previous trip so not representative of just how odd we may have looked).

Ol, sitting on Mom's lap, drove first, and after a lap, Jack took over. Because he is Jack and cannot resist a lever or button, he pressed all available, and we stalled on the main road. Soon enough, he and I were pushing the cart while Mom and Ol steered, and I am telling y'all that not one person seemed to think anything was remotely weird about any aspect of the situation. And if we'd needed help, all passersby would have stopped.

I must have seen 25 people during my few days home. We did the rounds one afternoon but also ran into friendly faces all around town: my childhood dentist; my high school English teacher; the man who sold Tom my wedding band; mothers of friends from elementary school on. All have known me for seemingly ever, some since I was five.

We come away with a bag of just-picked garden tomatoes, a book recommendation, a plea to come swim again, a Mason jar of homemade pimiento cheese. We reminisce, catch up, share a drink and then a tight hug. Nothing is far. So many are familiar. 

I think we can all agree that Louisiana is far from perfect (um, Bobby Jindal anyone?), but I deeply love so much about it.