9 April 2020: Daily Humor direct from my children

Ah, friends. Last night I was reminded that in hard times, when raising children, pretty much throughout life itself, it is critically important to have a sense of humor and see the lightness in things when you can.

Picture it. And if you need a quick focus longtime friends and readers, this is more FBI than sink plants.

It’s after 7pm, and the boys, having finished a lengthy day of distance learning, were outside playing on a spectacularly balmy, beautiful evening. Oliver had recently come in sweaty, asking if he could bring the bottle of cold sparkling apple cider in the fridge out for him and Jack. I handed him two plastic tumblers and sent him on his way, thankful that they love playing together so much.

I turned my joint Hamilton and Queen playlist louder, checked on the turkey roasting in the oven, and gave thanks for a kitchen in which no one was talking. What heaven it is to be alone in a room sometimes! What bliss to think in unencumbered fashion, to be alone with your ideas and musings!

After the half hour chimed, I heard the kids tumble through the front door, laughing hysterically, and run towards the kitchen. I turned to them, smiling beatifically, for the turkey was golden, the fruit salad was tossed, the broccoli was steaming, my wine glass was full.

They could hardly speak, their laughter was that hearty, and then I noticed Jack clutching the empty cider bottle like a wayward drunk.

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Oh dear. A bit of a stirring stirred. I turned down the music.

“Mom, OMG, it’s so funny, OMG, Mom, the neighbors, our bikes….” You could not make out details. Both talked as if seized by a loquacious spirit (which, frankly, isn’t that out of the norm, blessed is me).

“Boys, slow down.”

“Ok, we were riding around on our bikes, calling out ‘Bottle check!’ Boy is this champagne delicious. Oh, hey, watch out for the wombats. Do YOU need help catching the wombats in your house?”

Readers, they were swigging directly from the apple cider bottle, fully aware of walking neighbors’ suspicious glances their way, and carrying on about wombats and help needed in their capture.

I could only laugh. Roar with laughter, really. I am not sure I formulated words for many minutes. I was both marginally mortified and astonishingly proud. Then I had to send an email to our neighborhood listserv to assert that no, my children are not youthful alcoholics but, rather, cabin-fevered youth enjoying some much-deserved silliness and release.

I’ve received two responses: one from my next-door neighbor who snort-laughed a note: “Hah! Wombats!” and the other from a neighbor I don’t know but can tell I’d like: “Emily, this my favorite post of the corona era.  You are doing good, mom.  You will get through this with good memories.”

What a time to be alive, friends!

Ol is 11; humor break

Friends, I would be lying if I said I’m up tonight. I’m not. I’m tired AF. That said, as moms will, I do believe I ensured Ol had a marvelous birthday today (thank you Tom’s parents for coming over midday to celebrate with us; thank you friends and family for your many calls and FaceTimes), and that is most important. He’s 11, he feels love and feted, and he’s healthy. Winning. Plus Star Wars, in terms of both cake and the release of The Rise of Skywalker.

A few quick comedic shares (as always, things in blue are links: click on them for fun n joy)":

Did these Alabamans find a leprechaun? People, the sketch artist’s sketch. And the guy who says “See a leprechaun, say yay!” Also, the crackhead theory.

Tina is a queen!

Tina is a queen!

legit

legit

“Snow” angels.

Stay strong, friends!

Sink plants

Ignoring the state of the Republic to bring you a story of sink plants.

Sink plants, you ask? What are they? Do read on.

Several months ago, after brushing his teeth one morning, Ol came in my room and said, “Momma, there are plants growing out of my sink.”

Certain that he was punking me, because Ol is exceptionally good at pulling off pranks of all size and shape, I said, “Sure, Ol. Finish getting ready for school.”

Plants growing out of a sink.

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The next morning, however, Ol returned to tell me that seriously, “There ARE plants growing out my sink.”

“Oliver, WHAT? Ugh.” I kinda stomped into his bathroom, and lo!

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Ignoring the disgusting state of the sink and drain itself, or actually not because apparently it sustains life, THERE WERE PLANTS GROWING OUT OF HIS SINK. Boys are really just gross in many ways. I mean, WHAT?

I was so flabbergasted that all I could do was laugh uncontrollably and nearly pee. “Oliver, there ARE plants growing in your sink. This is totally disgusting and also hilarious.”

“I told you, Momma. I have been spitting tomato seeds in there…”

While he was at school, I continued to marvel at the hopeful green sprouts. Our housekeepers had recently scrubbed the sink, Ol had been spitting toothpaste down the hatch twice-daily, there are no windows directly facing the vanity, and oh my god, that drain is nasty. But what did those seeds do? They persevered.

I tenderly removed each seedling and decided to plant them. Why not? Were they in fact tomatoes? What kind? Would they keep growing if transplanted?

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Ol’s buddy gave him this dinosaur planter for a birthday years ago, and it seemed perfect for the purpose at hand. I used good potting mix and placed the vessel on a sunny sill in our kitchen. When Ol got home and saw his plants, he was delighted.

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Months later, and the sink plants are thriving. One was very alpha, so I had to divide and repot them earlier this week. They’re so damn earnest that I felt I should give them the best shot, and so purchased an inexpensive grow light. This has delighted Oliver, all of us really, even more.

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It quickly became clear that the plants were, in fact, tomatoes. And Ol recently shared that he feels they are mini Kumatos. We shall see.