They said what?

This morning, bleary-eyed and attempting to make coffee, T glanced at a piece of scratch paper on which I'd scribbled some gems overheard yesterday. "Em, what is this?" "What? Oh, stuff your children said during the same ten-minute drive home."

Laughter.... Maybe a snort.

What were these tidbits?

J: "I'm a great multi-tasker." Me: "Really? That's not the first descriptor of you that comes to my mind." J: "Mom, I poop and read at the same time!" ----- Me under my breath as insane driver both cuts me off and lays on horn: "you asshole. Learn to drive."

<I will take this moment to admit that I do cuss. Darn doesn't cut the butter sometimes. It's unfortunate that I don't do a better job censoring my tongue in front of the boys, BUT if this is my worst parental vice, I'm cool with that.>

Ol: "Asshole."

Me: "Oliver! You cannot say that. It's a bad word that only adults can choose to say."

<At this point I started laughing hysterically, not least at my own hypocrisy. But really, you should hear Ol's tiny, precious, kinda-lispy voice say "asshole." You'd want him to say it again.>

Oliver: "Piss."

Jack: "Oliver!"

Me: "Oliver! That is another bad word! Stop!"

Oliver: "Is piss a bad word? What does it mean?"

We screeched to a halt in front of our house, I trying not to pee from holding in such waves of laughter.