A bloody Shakespearean day

A bit of fun with today's Shakespeare-inspired free write prompt (thank you Jena Schwartz). Comedy can make the bleakest crap seem light. Read for amusement. For extra-credit, see how many references you can connect to the Bard. 

This Wednesday eve finds me an awfully sorry sight.
Clad in purple gym shorts and an old tee that once was white.
I’ve made jam, chauffeured kids, wiped noses and fed.
I’ve scooped poop, painted walls, and given til I bled.

In the labyrinthine carpool, a random yelled at me with rage.
What had I done but try to fetch my eldest babe?
My body and mind and teeth set on edge,
I flipped meanie off before dismounting the ledge.

Two playdates to attend, in opposite ends of town.
Of course, naturally, I must drive round and round.
A full circle, oh I wish, for that sounds so tidy.
As if closure, or peace, would then be nigh(dy).

My migraine an albatross, the rain a threat,
For goodness’ sake, there’s still dinner, baths and bed to be met.
“Knock, knock! Who’s there?” My youngest doth ask.
Dear me, I gasped, could this breath be my last?

For who, after such a day, could endure a bad joke?
Not me, not this girl strangled by a maternal yoke.
They say love is blind; for the SAHM that’s often true.
But knock, knocks, and farty hoo-ha will make the brightest one blue.

As my soul threatened to vanish, right into thin air,
Husband’s key in the lock brought me back from despair.
The naked truth, dearest T, is that I really must go.
Upstairs, with a crossword and some wine, this I know.

Out of death’s jaws, you’ve certainly sprung me,
While you’re at it, come what may, the laundry is ready.
So fold, kiss and tuck, or I’ll send you packing.
Day’s done, crappish Wednesday, you were sorely lacking.