The porcelain god

Have you ever noticed just how graceful a toilet's s-curve is? I hadn't, until this morning. What I'm calling the s-curve, because I do not know much about toilet anatomy, is the swan's neck at the bottom rear. This curve was a fabulous invention because it blocks the smell of sewage that might otherwise pervade your loo. 

Toilets take care of so many unsavory problems. What would college campuses be like without flushables? Homes full of potty-training and sick children? Hospitals? We're lucky I tell you. Thank you, Sir John Harington, for your inspired invention.

I became intimate with not one but three toilets this morning. Before 9:30am. Happy Monday to me!

Oliver is sick and though he tends to be a real puke-and-rally champion who makes it to the porcelain god on time and has great aim, such has not been the case during the past twelve hours. That sweet boy bedecked not only his bathroom's john but also those in the basement and main floor with all manner of that which should have stayed in.

For extra fun, Nutmeg joined the game and booted all over the basement floor but at least chose tile versus carpet.

After bringing Jack to school and nestling Ol onto the couch with blankets and Gatorade, Indiana Jones on the screen before him, I donned plastic gloves, got out every disinfecting product I own, grabbed old rags and paper towels and got to work. I'm not a real germaphobe, but my house this morning was a serious Code Red.

As I ran a soapy cloth over the cool, shapely curves, I thought about what a lovely material porcelain is and how easy it is to clean and make shine. Aren't we lucky, in many ways, to live in the age of modernity? Can you imagine bedpans and outhouses? For a great number of people, that remains reality. 

I considered the aesthetics of today's toilets and those who design them. I appreciate functional objects being made visually pleasing. And why not? Going to the bathroom is humbling enough. It can be downright gross, really, but since everyone goes, why not make the experience as nice as possible? 

A smooth seat is nice, a gentle flush that doesn't mist the user's legs is a must. I love the efficient sound of low-flow toilets taking only what's needed. Those slow-close lids? The best. 

My bathrooms now sparkle like the gleaming star off a Ken doll's tooth. They look and smell clean which is a welcome change from two hours back. Scrubbing the loos was meditative; despite a lack of sleep last night, I feel rested. Off to refill our diminished Gatorade supply.