Today was so stupid, aka almost the end of school plus ridiculous

Today was absurd, and I don't mean that in a good way. It was stupid and frustrating and really unnecessary on this, the penultimate day of this school year.

Jack has been home sick for two days. Our air conditioner has been broken for nearly two weeks (merciful being wherever you might roam, it has been unseasonably cool here), and about three weeks ago, the water commission sent out a team to finally install the larger and new main that was, if you recall via the post Integrity, sprung on us as a requirement for moving forward with and completing our kitchen renovation. 

The team jackhammered into the street and sidewalk in their desired location only to find a previously unmarked by live gas line buried within. Then, they did the same destruction a few feet down and seemed to meet with success, promising that the shoddy asphalt fill jobs in all the holes were temporary fixes.  

Recently, our trusted plumbers got the go-ahead to connect the new line to our house, and so today, they started. I made them promise to avoid my beloved fig tree, and they worked around it beautifully, digging an abyss so long and deep that Mike Mulligan would be proud. It really stressed the shit out of me to see so much of my yard backhoed into a pile -Tom works so dang hard on his grass- and really, a day without water, not least with a sick kid at home, will give you a profound appreciation for water-on-demand.

Nine hours and three inspections and a new hole in my basement wall and the fire alarms all going off because of the soldering and the toilets now full later, we got the go-ahead to fill in the abyss.

And then they switched the water back on and THE DAMN PIPES OFF THE NEW METER INSTALLED BY THE DAMN WATER COMMISSION'S SUB-CONTRACT TEAM WHO DOES NOT NEED ANY INSPECTION OF THEIR WORK began to leak. TO LEAK!!!! Are you flipping kidding me? The water commission folks blamed it on our plumbers even though the leak was in the meter pit which even I know is off limits to anyone EXCEPT employees of, wait for it, the water commission.

Meanwhile, some guy, another subcontractor from the water commission, came with a circle saw and began slicing into the streets outside. Do they not think it's best to make sure the job is completely done before repairing all streets and sidewalks?

This has legit been the dumbest experience. This is why people only-somewhat-in-jest call Maryland "the People's Republic of Maryland" and proceed to turn Republican. Mary, mother of lords. We did get to flush our toilets tonight and shower but everyone comes back tomorrow, the last day of school, to (hopefully) finish things up.

At some point we'll get a new damn air conditioner, and at some point I have to pack for our annual family beach week which involves a more than 7-hour drive on Saturday. I admit that I am not excited about that drive IN.ANY.WAY. Also, Jack is grounded from screens so that's an extra bonus to enhance the in-car family dynamics. 

I'm over today. And tomorrow, preemptively. But I do love the friends my boys have, so in the meantime, I’ll take these smiles.

Excitement with a tinge of trepidation

Fuuuuuccccckkkkk.

The end is barreling down on us: just a day and change to go. I can't tell if I'm glad or terrified by that, but come it quickly will so I guess I best just go with it.

Let's be honest, people. Terrified is tipping the scales right now. Cue the wine pour.

The children are vacillating between angelic loves and rabid loons. Tics I'd thought were long gone are making irritating resurgences. The "heh-heh-heh" constant cough from Ol? Making me batshit crazy because it is SO fake and omnipresent. Also, he has a bizarre chafing on the side of his face in which the first four of his cavities were filled. Swear to god, I have zero tolerance for a latex allergy.

As an aside, did y'all know that when cats drink from a bowl, they take mini-breaks with their tongues? It's like lick-lick-lick-fake lick and repeat. 

I'm taking breaths where I can. Today that meant a 6-mile run in drizzling rain as well as crafting multiple raffia bows and using Stickles pretty glitter to make Thank You tags that much more special. 

A) My legs are like, "Shit, girl. Too far." But really, Some Nights and, then, Raise Your Glass (Fun./Pink) came on, and I was like, "Shit legs, this playlist is the bomb." And there you have it. Plus, I did register for that damn race, so I best get my training on.

B) Raffia bows. Raffia is an underrated craft material. It looks like something homespun from natural fibers in a fantastic shabby chic way. And then. You can stretch it to a thin, papyrus width which makes it both infinitely more elegant and fun AND all the more homespun and natural. #winning

C) Stickles. One of my top three favorite Paper Source finds. Wanna bedazzle any paper good with a bit of flair? Grab a squirt bottle of Stickles and dot away. It's upscale glitter glue y'all, and boy is it fun. A glittery golden dot at the top point of a stamped star? Fabulous! I needed those shiny little stars today.

In spite of escapist running and crafting fun though, the lows, regressive behavior, tics and generalized mayhem right now are just fucking exhausting. Tears spurt forth randomly as if I've moved into a convent of pubescent gals. I can say that because I was one. And I know.

Tonight, after many hours of loving bonding (by which I mean SO MUCH togetherness), Oliver's face crumbled, the tears poured forth as if that kid pulled his finger from the damn dike, and he begged me to "get my kitchen back." The one Santa brought three years ago and had not been played with in two. The one we sold for $50 and replaced with a pimped out, made-for-small-spaces "office" because Oliver said, "I have work to do!" 

Meanwhile, Lunatic the Elder, having spent hours waxing rhapsodic about the magical and singular experience of 3rd grade, proceeded to fall apart in a spiral of angst + ennui. "I'm OVER IT, Mom. I'm over 3rd grade." 

I attempted to make him a nice dinner, but after freaking out over black beans and a pluot, it became clear that sleep was the only solution.

Also, wine.

Scab face attempted to sneak out of bed under the guise of being "unable to cool off." He was just fishing for me to say, "Get naked, honey." So, I did. I just said, "Take your darn underpants off if that's what you want, man." 

And then I seared the heck out of some filets while masterfully keeping the insides nearly walking for T and much less so for me. And making a freaking awesome brown butter succotash'ish thingy for our side and messaging wildly with writer friends.

Cheers!

End-of-year insanity

Are your children melting down and/or acting out in weird ways? Are they whining on continuous loop like Donald Trump? Mine too.

Do you suddenly find yourself with regular urges to go hermit and hide in your bed, far from all remaining requests to attend school functions, check homework and pack lunches for last field trips? Me too.

Are you exhausted and in utter disbelief that soon you face 14 weeks of summer "vacation"? Of course. We all are, even if we're excited for it.

It is that time of year. School is ending. No one gives a ball about spelling or fractions anymore. Your children have no pants left with both knees intact. Half their socks are missing. Their shoes have holes in the toes, but then again, maybe those help them fit better because really, when was the last time you bought the kids shoes? You let them eat in ways you never will in any given September, simply because you have lost the will to manage anything.

Case in point: Yesterday, at a Memorial Day pool party, Jack ate four hot dogs in buns slathered with an obscene amount of ketchup before inhaling two brownies and a s'more. I "tried" to tell him this wasn't a great combo, much less a wise amount, but did he hear me? No.

Did I step in? Not aggressively.

Did he feel like complete ass afterwards? Yes. 

Meanwhile, I want to sue Percy for emotional distress. Doesn't that damn dog know I have 900 teacher gifts to make? I don't feel like walking him in 85 degree weather. Not because I don't enjoy heat but because I know him, and in said heat, he gets just beyond our gate, rolls on to his back, pants maniacally and refuses to go. 

If we go back inside, the insane bark-fest resumes, and I want to kill him. So, I make him walk but what that really looks like is me dragging a pug on his back around the neighborhood while muttering curse words under my breath. It's ridiculous.

6½ days left, people. For us at least. And the next day Ol gets four more cavities filled which is obviously a superb way to celebrate the end of school. 

May the force be with us all!